Chapter Text
"Johnnie, im heading out to hangout with the others." Jake peeked his head in through Johnnies door. "Oh.. werent we meant to film together today?" Johnnie was visibly upset. This wasn't the first time this happened. Jake covered his mouth "oh sh*t your right".. "But we could always do it tomorrow. Right?" He smiled. "Oh yeah for sure"
'No actually not for sure. I dont really know if there even will be a tomorrow at this point' He thought to himself, but smiled at Jake anyway - pushing away hus own feelings.
Jake simply flashed a thumbs up and quickly ran out of the house.
And Johnnie sat there... He sat on his bed staring at the door where Jake stood less than 10 seconds ago. At this point hes even questioning if hes still Jakes best friend. He felt lonely. He felt worthless. He felt empty. He didn't really feel anything.
He was pulling at his hair. Infact he was pulling so hard, he had chunks of black, dead hair in both of his hands. It hurt. But it didnt hurt him in a bad way. It was almost relieving to him. And he did the same but this time hitting his head on the wall repeatedly.
And he could feel a bruise forming already. But he didn't want to relapse. He would do anything but that. It would be years of effort put to waste. And of course it had to be as soon as he thought hed started getting better.
That was it.
Jake helped Johnnie.
Jake helped Johnnie be happy.
Jake helped Johnnie not harm himself.
But now that Johnnies 'better' Jake doesn't need to help him. He doesn't need him. He never needed him. You dont deserve him.
The voices wouldnt shut up. 'you dont deserve him' 'hes too good for you' 'you ruined his life' 'your just a burden to him, nothing more'
It all happened so fast. He screamed, and screamed. He screamed so loud his head hurt. And then he slammed his head on the wall one last time.
And it all went black.
Jake came back home. It was pretty late. Definitely just about midnight. He didn't get drunk because he still had to drive back home and it was cold. He didn't want to have to get an uber. Also, it just didn't feel like a 'drinking day' for him. I dont know. Its just Jake Webber what do you expect?
Anyway, he hung his coat on the coat hanger thing by the front door. The only other thing he had on him, was his phone. So he held that and walked into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed a can of Monster. He smiled as he took out his favourite flavour and he closed the fridge.
He turned around and walked towards the couch to sit down on it (obviously). He opened his can of monster and took a sip. He stared at the tv. It wasnt on or anything, he was just staring at it. Soon enough, he realised it was too quiet. Usually Johnnie would be greeting Jake: 'Hey, how was it?', or, 'howd it go?'. Whatever.
Maybe he was asleep? That was a Johnnie thing to do, right?
He should go and see whats up. So he stood his can on the little coffee table and he stood up (also leaving his phone behind).
He slowly walked up to Johnnies bedroom door. He lightly knocked.
"Johnnie?"
...
There was no response. This, however, didn't alarm Jake or anything since he was most probably sleeping. He still decided to open the door.
As he opened the door, he did infact see a Johnnie Guilbert laying face down on his bed with two chunks of hair in either of his hands. Now he knew Johnnie died his hair like, very often, but he didn't think this was a side effect.
He slowly approached Johnnie.
"Johnnie?"
He laid a hand on his shoulder slightly shaking him. Johnnies eyes seem to have opened. Jake looked him in the eyes.
"Johnnie, are you sleeping or- what is this?" He crossed his arms and looked at him.
" I think i am... I dont know?" He looked down at the chunks of hair in his hands. Jake following his gaze.
"What did you do, Johnnie? Is that your hair" he looked at Johnnie, a slightly concerned and confused expression visible on his face.
"I-... I dont know. My head hurts" as he said that he laid down with the black hair still in each of his hands.
Jake only nodded "alright get some rest" he stayed in the room and stared at Johnnie for a good 20 seconds before walking out. Johnnie genuinely didn't know what had happened, all he knew was that his head hurt and he probably had two bald spots.
But he didn't honestly care. Whatever happened, happened. Whatever. He put the hair on his bedside table and he closed his eyes. He fell asleep pretty quickly. Too quickly. Usually it would take him ages to fall asleep. But, maybe it was just for the better.
Jake thought it was a perfect time to get to bed aswell. he decided he'll quit on a shower today since hes had a pretty busy day. He didn't even change, he just took his shirt off and rolled into bed.
_____
The next morning, Jake woke up, pretty happy. He sat up almost straight away. Clearly, he had a good nights sleep. The sun wasnt the brightest. But that was probably because it was very foggy outside - and probably very cold aswell. It looked like he was going to be inside all day.
Although, to him, staying inside of the house felt like prison, it meant he could hang out with Johnnie. That was a good thing. He rarely spoke to him anymore. He didn't know why, but Johnnie seemed extremely off lately. He was much sadder and just didn't seem the same.
Suddenly, Jake frowned as he remembered what hed seen in Johnnies room. The chunk of hair and the headache... Well it didnt seem like he cut the hair, it looked more ripped- pulled? Well there was definitely a difference between cut and ripped.
He decided on asking Johnnie about what happened when he woke up. Maybe he'll remember better this morning. Jake stood up and walked into the kitchen getting a diet co*ke and something microwaveable to eat for breakfast.
He started eating, he stood in the kitchen while doing so. He was mostly just waiting for Johnnie to wake up.
Meanwhile, Johnnie, felt like absolute sh*t. He felt terrible. His headache was worse than one from a hangover. Although he still sat up in his bed. He heard a knock on his door.
"Come in?" He knew it was probably, most definitely, Jake. So he didn't really care much.
"You okay, bro?" He walked inside of the room closing yhe door behind himself as he walked up to Johnnies bed to sit on the edge.
"Yeah, i mean, ive got a bit of a headache but otherwise, yeah"
"Well i was gonna ask why the f*ck you would rip a chunk of your hair out". He shakes his head
"How do you even manage to do that?"
He thinks for a second before remembering why he was getting mad.
"Oh, yeah, that..."
"Yeah, how about you tell me?"
"Right, right. Basically, i dont know what happened. But i literally went like mental" he laughs slightly "i got mad that you dont like hang out with me much anymore, and to be completely honest, we dont talk much either" he shrugs
Jake furrowed his eyebrows, he clearly looked a bit annoyed.
"So your saying i cant have other friends than just you?, Johnnie, i cant always hang out with you."
"I know but-"
"No buts Johnnie, thats selfish"
"I dont think so"
"Right whatever, just because im your only friend, doesn't mean your my only friend"
Johnnies mouth genuinely fell open slightly "Thats just f*cked up-"
"No it isn't, your the one being selfish, and dramatic"
Johnnie nods slightly, trying to hold back tears.
"Now if you'll excuse me, im going to record a YouTube video with my other friend" he stood up and walked out of his room and out the front door aswell. He made sure to slam both of the doors just to make Johnnies headache more intense.
The shorter boy couldn't help but cry. He cried loud and didnt care. He cried untill all he felt was regret. He didn't want to feel anymore. Jake was right. Jake was Johnnies only friend. And since he didn't want him around anymore, there want really much purpose to stay alive anymore.
He stood up and walked over to his bathroom. His white bathroom. 'what a perfect place to die' he thought. He still had his sleeping pills in the cabinet. Hes barely ever taken any.
He rummaged through the drawers to find his box of razor blades. He took one out and just started to tear at his skin. Not caring about the pain, the blood, the damage. It wasnt worth it. It wasnt worth caring. Thick, crimson red liquid poured out of open wounds. He wasnt going to stop untill hes covered. That way he'll have the lowest chance if survival possible.
Hed either die from overdose, or blood loss, or maybe both if he gets lucky.
Tears streamed down his cheeks, thinking of every memory he shared with Jake. All over the course of one year. It was most definitely the best year in his life. He'll miss Jake. But Jake wont miss him.
He soon dropped the blade to the ground and shakily picked up the bottle of pills. He didn't even think twice. Zero hesitation- he downed the entire thing. He already started feeling much weaker. To the point he couldn't stand anymore.
He thought the best idea was to lock the bathroom door
And so he did. He turned on the shower and sat in the bathtub, closing his eyes and smiling. He didn't even leave a suicide note or anything. He continued to cry as he felt weaker, and weaker. Until he felt absolutely nothing.
______
Jake came back home. The only thing he could hear was the shower on. Wow, Johnnie was being productive. He laughed at the thought.
However, the entire day, he couldn't get what he said out of his head. What he said to Johnnie. His best friend. Johnnie Guilbert - hus Best Friend.
Oh he messed up.
He definitely f*cked up.
He had to apologise.
He stormed into Johnnies room and knocked on the bathroom door.
"Johnnie? Can i talk to you when your done?"
He waited a few moments for a reply.
Spoiler alert, he never got one.
Maybe he didn't hear him?
"Johnnie?" This time he was banging on the door.
Still no reply.
"JOHNNIE!" He was trying to open the door by now.
Still nothing
"IM COMING IN" He stepped backwards and ran into the door at full speed and he used all of his strength.
It looked like a crime scene. A murder scene. There was blood everywhere. And that wasnt an overexageration. But he'll focus on that later.
For now, he had to save Johnnie. He turned off the shower and took him out of the bath. He tried searching for a pulse. There wasnt any. That was it.
Jake felt his body grow colder as he searched a pulse everywhere possible. Not even his chest was moving. Jake couldnt help but start to tear up but he smiled still not believeing what was happening. He screamed as loud as he could as he held Johnnies dead body in his arms.
He burst into tears as he finally realised Johnnie wasnt coming back. He'll never laugh with him again, nor smile. Never talk with him again, nor joke around. They'll never hit eachother on the heads for videos again, nor make videos together again. But he didn't even call an ambulance. He knew himself it was too late for that anyway.
